ALBUM RECOMMENDATION (Lady Gaga - Mayhem)

Last Gaga's album, recently awarded with two well-deserved Grammys, is probably one of the most solid works she's made since 'Born This Way', my favorite record in her discography, and a great comeback to her darker dance style after the rocker 'Joanne', and with permission of 'Chromatica', which was a pretty satisfactory return to pop as well, but experimented with rather techno sounds instead. As usual, the combination of powerful raw vocals with the artist's indistinguishable songwriting, full of epic melodies and complex production arrangements, has turned this last compilation of songs into an utter success that leaves 'little monsters', where I include myself, yearning for more.    

These new 14 tracks (17 in the deluxe edition) are an exquisite mix of the best sounds from each of her artistic eras, reminiscing mainly 'Born This Way' and 'The Fame Monster'. From the opening song and lead single 'Disease', where she shows an amazing and extensive vocal range while expressing her mental health struggles with fame and psychosis in the lyrics, to the last one 'Die with a Smile', a lovely duet with Bruno Mars. It's hard to choose a favorite song because most of them are equally fantastic, but I must admit that I like the darker Gaga side, which shows mainly in the first four tracks of the album, more in sync with the ‘Born This Way’ era, as I stated before. The following tracks get more romantic and less rocker but keep the rebel and dance vibe that characterizes Gaga. The whole album is an homage to the 80's sounds and aesthetic, mainly noticed in songs like Killah, The Dead Dance or Shadow of a Man, this last one particularly reminiscing Michael Jackson melodies.   

Without the shadow of a doubt, Lady Gaga is back for more with this album, although she has never really ceased to be one of the most inventive and notorious voices of our generation.   

Favorite songs: Disease, Abracadabra, Garden of Eden, Perfect Celebrity, Killah, Zombieboy, The Dead Dance and Shadow of a Man. 

If I Killed Myself Music Video

About 9 years ago, I recorded a music video for the song 'I'll Be There for You', the first one I ever produced professionally. That video showed delicate content related to themes like self-harm or suicide and, although I liked the message I tried to transmit with it, the result was very poor and amateur, since I had very little experience shooting videos like that on my own, and I was struggling with more severe psychotic and depressive symptoms back then. So, after I finished recording and producing the demo for the song ‘If I Killed Myself’ one year ago, I thought that it would be a great idea to do some kind of remake for it, since the whole black and white concept that accompanied the old video would fit perfectly in with the themes and musicality of this new track. 

So, once I decided I would go for that concept again, I began to search for references of other music videos and movies on the Internet that could serve as inspiration for the making of this new video and, thanks to that, I discovered amazing songs like Zevia's 'Why Do I Exist?' or Nessa Barrett's 'Dying on the Inside', that talked about similar mental health related themes and, therefore, made me feel less strange and alone about making this type of artwork. I also did some research on movies about time loops like 'Groundhog Day', 'Happy Death Day' or 'Coherence', since I wanted to describe suicide attempts as something reminiscent of that, although it didn't show exactly the same way I had in mind in the final result.  

However, I think I managed to do a pretty good job this time with aesthetic and cinematography or, at least, better than with the other video. I recorded most of the scenes during the summer. Thankfully, I bought a portable air conditioner that made the whole process much easier. I wanted to release the video in November, so I would not have been able to do it if it wasn't for that. I used the green screen a lot in this video. I tried to record some real shots in the bathtub, but the illumination and aesthetic did not look as good as with the green screen. Even simple shots from the bedroom were made by using that technique because, then again, it made the quality improve a lot. 

All in all, a music video that is far from perfect, but is coherent with the song and its message, and an improvement compared to the video I made almost a decade ago. I'm happy and proud of the result.