If I Killed Myself Music Video

About 9 years ago, I recorded a music video for the song 'I'll Be There for You', the first one I ever produced professionally. That video showed delicate content related to themes like self-harm or suicide and, although I liked the message I tried to transmit with it, the result was very poor and amateur, since I had very little experience shooting videos like that on my own, and I was struggling with more severe psychotic and depressive symptoms back then. So, after I finished recording and producing the demo for the song ‘If I Killed Myself’ one year ago, I thought that it would be a great idea to do some kind of remake for it, since the whole black and white concept that accompanied the old video would fit perfectly in with the themes and musicality of this new track. 

So, once I decided I would go for that concept again, I began to search for references of other music videos and movies on the Internet that could serve as inspiration for the making of this new video and, thanks to that, I discovered amazing songs like Zevia's 'Why Do I Exist?' or Nessa Barrett's 'Dying on the Inside', that talked about similar mental health related themes and, therefore, made me feel less strange and alone about making this type of artwork. I also did some research on movies about time loops like 'Groundhog Day', 'Happy Death Day' or 'Coherence', since I wanted to describe suicide attempts as something reminiscent of that, although it didn't show exactly the same way I had in mind in the final result.  

However, I think I managed to do a pretty good job this time with aesthetic and cinematography or, at least, better than with the other video. I recorded most of the scenes during the summer. Thankfully, I bought a portable air conditioner that made the whole process much easier. I wanted to release the video in November, so I would not have been able to do it if it wasn't for that. I used the green screen a lot in this video. I tried to record some real shots in the bathtub, but the illumination and aesthetic did not look as good as with the green screen. Even simple shots from the bedroom were made by using that technique because, then again, it made the quality improve a lot. 

All in all, a music video that is far from perfect, but is coherent with the song and its message, and an improvement compared to the video I made almost a decade ago. I'm happy and proud of the result.